Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
