He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
