I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
