My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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