i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it glows. i had to have it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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