Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
