He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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