If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
