I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
