I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
