I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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