Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize