All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
