I cockslap morals
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
