We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
