My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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