I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
