I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
