my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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