# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
