You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize