I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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