I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
high people should be assigned attendants
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
