not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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