from now on my penis is your penis
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
