Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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