i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
They took my balls.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
