His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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