brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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