Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I faked an abortion last night.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
