So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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