Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
