More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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