what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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