i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
