He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this boner is exhausting
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
