he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
