Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
