YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
