I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you win again, gameday.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
