OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
