After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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