I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
