She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
