Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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