she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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