I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We were destined to go to rehab together
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The adults are the big ones right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
