Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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