If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
