fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
