We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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