possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
