Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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