she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
