if i can run in heels then i can drive
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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