i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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