good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
