the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
