I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
