The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so let's talk penis.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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