If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
