Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Couch. On fire.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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