Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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