Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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