Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
