Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
