awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize