if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
