dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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