sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
