I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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