He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
