I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
