then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
