Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
