He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
