dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
