i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
BRING THE BAGELS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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