i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
