OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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