pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
