the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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