I'm eating all of the evidence.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
