His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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