the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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