do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
