y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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