Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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