no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
