also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
