my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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