my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
